decking

We ventured to Frankenmuth today. In Frankenmuth one can find what I am sure is the world's largest Christmas store, Bronners. For 20 years our Christmas tree has been dominated by Disney ornaments. Each with it's own memories of trips to Disneyworld, Disneyland or a child's obsession with a particular movie. As the kids have aged we've supplemented with the traditional kid made ornaments, sports ornaments, dance ornaments and religious ornaments. Last year we had the kids paint their names on ornaments... but nothing felt quite right. Today while visiting Bronners we came upon their international section. It's limited in a typical midwestern way, lots of western European countries well represented, but the entire African continent represented strictly as "Africa", not sure I saw any Asian countries, and virtually no Latin American. We decided that it would be fun to collect ornaments representing each country we have visited. While we weren't able to find ornaments from all the countries, we did find small flags from the remainder. We'll continue to search for the other countries.

When we got home from Bronners I was in the mood to begin decorating our home. As the boxes of ornaments and decorations were brought up from the basement, I couldn't help but begin to sing "Deck the Halls" to myself. Which reminded me of that gigantically fat woman who blocked the entirety of Scandinavia and made me wish I'd been in a decking mood then. I'd politely said excuse me, and she refused to move. I gently pushed on her backpack so to slide behind her and she remained cemented in place. Deck... yes, I thought, I would love to deck right now!

busted!

hilariously, David walked in as I was typing the last entry, thus the abrupt stop. I had a ridiculous time at lunch yesterday. He was on such a tirade. It began with the fact that he had gone to the doctor for a knee problem. It was his first appointment. Before the orthopedic surgeon even saw him a MA came out and told him that he needed an x-ray. He was seated in one of a row of chairs outside the xray room. "It looks like your last xray didn't get the right angle" the MA told him, then wandered off to retrieve another patient from the waiting room. That patient was seated next to David in the row and told "It looks like your last xray didn't get the right angle". This of course raised David's curiosity. When a third person was seated and told the exact same thing David called the MA over. "When was my last xray?" , "October 12", "As in just a month or so ago?", "yes", "I've never been here before", "Oh". The MA leaves. He returns a few moments later to inform David that indeed he had the wrong chart. David then quizzed him on the necessity of having the xray, accused the office of just raking up billable tests and blaming them for the state of our medical establishment. Mid-tirade the xray technician sticks her head out and calls him in. She sheepishly asks if he wants the xray, which he begrudgingly gets. After seeing the doctor it is decided that he needs a cortisone shot, an MRI and a knee brace. After getting the painful cortisone injection which he was told would not hurt, with the prescription for knee brace in hand he leaves the office.

Since he'd had orthotics done a few months ago in Denver he thought he had paid his full deductible for the year on his insurance, and goes confidently to the orthopedic appliance store. There he is told he owes $190. Already irritated by this whole process he calls the insurance company. As he's reviewing with them his expenditures for the calendar year to verify that he has indeed met his deductible he realizes that he has overpaid at the Denver Foot Clinic... and to further annoy him, he knows that he has $120 in unpaid bills at home from the very same clinic. He immediately calls them. After an extensive phone call that includes his wishing them unemployment after the Senate Healthcare Bill passes he is told they will be sending him a $95 refund. And so that is the curmudgeon with whom I had lunch yesterday. A lunch conversation that included his desire to rescind his US citizenship, move to haiti and live off the land. Yes, live off the land... the man who won't weed the garden, eat produce from it for fear of dirt, doesn't eat fish and doesn't hunt. Not sure which land he's planning to live off.

I'm terrible at this

Clearly I am terribly lacking in the self discipline department. I didn't even make it three consecutive days writing. Today David announced that he's taking a promotion at work that will have him at home more often. I have very mixed feelings about this, especially after today. He infringed on my quiet morning time, dragging himself out of bed at 6AM. Then when we had lunch he was on a tirade about everything from his Dr. appointment where he was sure he was being ripped off. to wanting to rescind his US citizenship... ahhhh fun!

day 2

Day 2 of the discipline of writing something every day. I hope to find this cathartic in the long run. Because God knows I need to do something to exorcise the demons. But today it is a chore. Actually almost everything has been a chore lately. I don't feel like going to work, interacting with people, doing chores or even taking a walk. I know that I should just make myself do these things, and I did yesterday. I went out at 6 last night for no reason. I just walked around the local mall. No zest for shopping, but just needed to make myself leave the house.

David and Maddy return today from the soccer tournament. The final of her travel soccer career. We'll have her school spring schedule then college. Hard to imagine.

I often wonder if this is a normal response to the impending empty nest. I feel a bit like I'm flailing around trying to find some meaning. I've known many women who have been miserable at the graduation of their youngest. I don't want to be that caricature. But, I've spent the last 21 years of my life raising kids, chose a marginal career to allow me to be home with them... now my job is done. It sounds weird, but it's hard to even know who I am apart from their mother. What do I like? What is important to me? What can I impact in the world now? Lord, what will happen when I retire? Hmmm... I guess that gives me something to think about.

what to eat

What does a lactose intolerant diabetic with heart disease, a wheat allergy and 2 missing teeth eat? Yep, that's the question of the day. I've put out an APB on my collar bones, because I know that much of this disgusting situation is a direct result of my extra weight. I often wonder where rock bottom is for my alcoholic nephew... cause it's not in jail. But now I have to ask myself the same thing. When will I be at the place where I'd rather live than eat? What about my life or body chemistry makes me seek solace in food? I could blame my parents, that's always fun, after all they raised 2 overweight people and an anorexic. I suspect it's the same disease in a different manifestation. I could blame my metabolism, but I've lost this weight 4 or 5 times in my life. I know that the only real solution is going to be when I take responsibility for my own health. So what does that look like? What does that feel like? What will I substitute emotionally for food? I guess I can adopt the old AA mantra... one day at a time. So day 1 is I will write about my feelings, food and progress toward health. God help me, if this doesn't work I'm going to gain 50 pounds so I can have that surgery... I think that would be easier.

Celebrating my 44th birthday

It was grand planning. Schedule my dentist appointment for my birthday, and there was no way I could forget. I figured I'd get it over with first thing and enjoy the rest of my day. So 8AM was the plan. It seemed like a good idea. I showed up at the dentist's office 15 minutes early. I signed in, grabbed a magazine and sat down to read for what I hoped would be no more than 15 minutes. When the hygienist called me back she asked if I had intentionally scheduled my appointment just 4 months since my last one. No, indeed I had not, and no indeed I did not intend to keep this one! So I skipped out of the office feeling lucky!

My birthday fell on a Monday. Monday is my day off from work, so I returned home from the dentist to do my usual day off routine. Clean the bathrooms, scrub the floors, vacuum and all that fun stuff. After all, if I don't do it, who will? Seriously, that's not a rhetorical question... I really want to know... The answer is simple - no one. But, boy does it feel good to have a clean house, so I did it. Then sat down to relax and check my many birthday wishes on facebook! probably my favorite part of facebook. Otherwise I'd never get 100 birthday wishes!

My 17 year old, Maddy, wandered in at about this time. She asked what my plans were for the day. I had to confess that my plans were "not much". Since David is in Colorado, and my mom had taken me out to dinner the night before, that was an honest answer, but completely unsatisfactory for Maddy. She was convinced that this was indicative of my social depravity and quizzed me on the health of my girlfriend relationships. I began to feel a bit inadequate and started to think it was a bit pathological that I enjoy my own company so much.

She then suggested that we take the dogs to get their nails cut. We decided to go to PetSmart, They can usually get their nails cut there without an appointment. Riley, my 90 pound weimaraner was a beast. He's usually pretty obnoxious in the car, but he went above and beyond, I'm sure in honor of my birthday. He decided that he wanted to drive. He pressed his full weight on Maddy's arm as she attempted to keep him contained in the back seat. He whined and wandered around the back seat. He laid his head on my shoulder and cried into my ear. when we arrived at Petsmart he pulled so hard that Maddy had to make him sit several times between the car and the door of the store. Meanwhile, Reggie, my 5 pound toy rat terrier pranced his way to the front door while I held his leash. Reggie and I proceeded to the salon in the back of the store. As we went through the door, Reggie realized his fate and decided to make a run for it. I looked down to find the door had closed on his neck as his body was the only part visible from my side of the door. I gave a moment's thought to leaving him there to suffer the consequences of his decision, but thought better of it and freed him. I turned him over to the groomers just as Riley and Maddy made their way to the salon.

Riley willingly jumped onto the groomers table. let them noose him, but when he saw the nail clippers, his cooperative spirit left. He attempted to jump off the table, leaving himself hanging off the side, pathetically looking at me as if I had betrayed him. It required two gromers to put him back on the table. Seeing the look of disgust on their face Maddy and I left the salon. We thought, or at least hoped, this may help him be more cooperative. We went around the corner of an aisle and peeked to see how he was doing. He continued to flail his 90 pound frame against the tiny female groomer forcing her to ask for assistance from 2 additional groomers. When I returned to pick them up, The groomer was in a full blown sweat, she all but threw Riley at me, and then proceeded to charge me $3 more than usual. I paid without protest and left ashamed of Riley's poor upbringing.

I dropped Maddy and the dogs off at home and went to mail a package to Emily. I stopped and Walgreens and picked up some oreos and ritz crackers, Burt's Bees lip gloss and blond hair dye. Apparently all these things are in short supply in Gabarone Botswana. I packed them into a box and headed to the post office. The road to the post office is under construction and I was forced to go about 3 miles out of my way to get the detour. Upon arriving at the post office, they had redirected the traffic flow into the parking lot and I found myself going the wrong way.. The man in the SUV trying to use the road in the correct direction wasn't impressed with my ignorance. I backed out, went into the previous exit and found a parking space. When got in line, my phone rang. I answered it to find it was my brother. I stepped out of line, because it was impossible to talk to him, fill out the customs form, balance the box and not disturb the 10 other patrons in line. I went to the lobby and completed a customs form, and finished packing and taping my box. While I did this, I could see people walking in and getting in line, but didn't take much note. When I finished my phone call, I got back into line. I soon discovered that 2 clerks had been working, but one was clearly leaving as she proceeded to count her cash drawer. I glanced down the counter to the other clerk, just checking his efficiency. I noted that the customer he was serving had several boxes to ship. I began to count them... 44. Ironic, my 44th birthday and the man had 44 boxes. Another clerk came and opened her station, so the line began to move. It was only seconds after she did so that she announced to all of us in line that the debit/credit machine was not working. I pulled out my wallet to see if I had adequate cash. $12, I doubted it. Someone in line asked if they accepted checks. They do. I stayed in line. When I finally got to the counter, I had a notebook with me which included all Emily's identifying information; her rechargeable visa number, her passport number, her address, etc... I gave the clerk the address, she informed me that I had filled out the wrong customs form. I stepped aside to fill out the other form,. When I finally got it right, the cost was $42 to mail it. I wrote a check and got out of there 45 minutes after I had arrived.

I returned home briefly before Maddy needed to attend a meeting at her school. Dinner was served as part of the meeting, so I was on my own for dinner. I thought I should probably eat some of the bounty from my garden, however was craving Mexican food, always a favorite for me! I decided to take myself to dinner at the local Mexican restaurant. "table for one, please". "would you like a margarita?"... well, it was my birthday, so I ordered the most expensive margarita on the menu. a $10 margarita. It came in a tall narrow glass and looked quite delicious. Unfortunately it wasn't. I'm not that fond of alcohol and the drink was tooooo strong. I don't hold my alcohol well, and as I said, the drink was tooooo strong. As I drank my margarita and ate my dinner, it became apparent to me that driving would not be a good decision. I contemplated the possibility of walking home. It's only about 2 miles, the weather was warm, but pleasant. I didn't really have on good shoes for walking, but... At the last minute, Maddy called and said she was almost home from her meeting. I asked her to join me at the restaurant. I asked her if she wanted to go school clothes shopping, and if she could drive. I would just plan to pick up my car after shopping. she laughed and complied.

While shopping a 7 year old child I know from church came to the store. He spotted me as he walked down the center aisle of the department store. He showed me his loose tooth while I stayed at a distance that I hoped would not permit him or his father to note my muted senses and tequila breath. While Maddy tried on clothes, I sat on a chair outside the dressing room, trying to stay awake. After about an hour, I felt clear-headed enough to go back to my car. Maddy dropped me off there and we both drove home.

We watched an hour or so of NCIS and I got up to prepare for bed. As I did so, I asked Maddy to let the dogs out for one final time before bed. I was midway through putting my pajamas on when I heard Maddy yell "Mom! Mom!". I stuck my head out of my bedroom door and yelled, "are you calling me?" "yes, something's wrong with Riley". I threw my pajamas on and ran for the door. As soon as I left my bedroom an overwhelming chemical odor scorched my nostrils. "It smells like something is burning", said Maddy. As the scent dissipated, it became clear that it was the familiar odor of skunk. Riley's eyes were red and burning, as he ran through the house rubbing his face on all carpets and furniture. Thus began the attempt to confine the 90 pound hyperactive weimaraner and keep him from polluting any additional furnishings. We herded him into the bathroom then looked up the best recipe for deskunking a dog. Peroxide, Dawn, baking soda and lemon juice. Maddy wrestled him into the tub and held his head as I attempted to wash his face and eyes. Three baths later I had used about 3/4 of the solution and most of the odor was gone from the dog. I used the 2 bottles of Febreze that I had in the house and a can of Oust. I opened the windows and turned on the attic fan, hoping to air the house out as much as possible.

I then retired to bed and laughed myself to sleep thinking about the glamorous life I live. Little did I know that I would experience a groundhog day moment at 4:30 the next morning, and have the chance to use the rest of the de-skunking solution.

through the wringer

I guess you could say it's been one of those days! I guess I should have known when I was awakened at 3:15 with a migraine headache. But I was oblivious to the roller coaster that the day held for me. My husband, David left for Colorado today. He'll be gone for about a month. I'm accustomed to these types of trips, so under normal circumstances it wouldn't make a dent in my psyche. But today was not normal. David was taking Andrew, a young man whom I had encouraged David to hire, with him on this trip. Andrew was supposed to be at our house at 6:45 to share a car with David to the airport. He was 1/2 an hour late. I was disappointed and know that Andrew has perhaps "shot himself in the foot" as far as this job is concerned. I wish that wasn't so. He needs this job, but I can't control that.

About 9:30 this morning I received a call from my brother Dan. He lives in California and rarely calls. I was fearful when told it was him on the phone. He blessed my day with the good news that he and his wife are expecting their third child. The day was looking up.

About an hour later my mother came into my office. Also, someone who doesn't usually visit my office unless there's something wrong. I could see on her face immediately that something was wrong. then she told me that my 18 year old niece is pregnant. I held her while she cried. We talked and encouraged each other. She left me feeling like it was going to be ok and our family could and would rally. While my mother was in my office a friend and her children came in. They moved to China 6 months ago, and are in town for just a few days. I had seen Rebecca yesterday and had a wonderful brunch, but her 4 year old ran in, gave me a giant hug and told me how much she had missed me. It warmed my heart. After my mom left I joined the Rebecca's kids in the nursery and we played for an hour or so, then they left. I won't see them again for 6-12 months.

Shortly after lunch I was in the restroom and there was a woman visibly upset. She spent an hour or so in my office. I was unable to make her feel better about the things that upset her. When she left I felt powerless and sad.

Then I was off to the nursing home to see my grandmother. She was highly confused today. She thought I was there early in the morning. She asked me about people whom I do not know. She thought it was winter and wanted to know where her coat was.

I feel like I said good-bye to so much today. Good bye David. Good bye Rebecca. Good bye Andrew. Good bye Granny. Good bye to my niece's childhood. I feel like so much is unresolved. But this day was spiced with the good news of 2 new babies joining our family. This day had me relying on co-workers for mental and emotional support. This day reminded me of the beauty of my job. The people.

Today I cry out for a boring tomorrow! Please let it be!