Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Celebrating my 44th birthday

It was grand planning. Schedule my dentist appointment for my birthday, and there was no way I could forget. I figured I'd get it over with first thing and enjoy the rest of my day. So 8AM was the plan. It seemed like a good idea. I showed up at the dentist's office 15 minutes early. I signed in, grabbed a magazine and sat down to read for what I hoped would be no more than 15 minutes. When the hygienist called me back she asked if I had intentionally scheduled my appointment just 4 months since my last one. No, indeed I had not, and no indeed I did not intend to keep this one! So I skipped out of the office feeling lucky!

My birthday fell on a Monday. Monday is my day off from work, so I returned home from the dentist to do my usual day off routine. Clean the bathrooms, scrub the floors, vacuum and all that fun stuff. After all, if I don't do it, who will? Seriously, that's not a rhetorical question... I really want to know... The answer is simple - no one. But, boy does it feel good to have a clean house, so I did it. Then sat down to relax and check my many birthday wishes on facebook! probably my favorite part of facebook. Otherwise I'd never get 100 birthday wishes!

My 17 year old, Maddy, wandered in at about this time. She asked what my plans were for the day. I had to confess that my plans were "not much". Since David is in Colorado, and my mom had taken me out to dinner the night before, that was an honest answer, but completely unsatisfactory for Maddy. She was convinced that this was indicative of my social depravity and quizzed me on the health of my girlfriend relationships. I began to feel a bit inadequate and started to think it was a bit pathological that I enjoy my own company so much.

She then suggested that we take the dogs to get their nails cut. We decided to go to PetSmart, They can usually get their nails cut there without an appointment. Riley, my 90 pound weimaraner was a beast. He's usually pretty obnoxious in the car, but he went above and beyond, I'm sure in honor of my birthday. He decided that he wanted to drive. He pressed his full weight on Maddy's arm as she attempted to keep him contained in the back seat. He whined and wandered around the back seat. He laid his head on my shoulder and cried into my ear. when we arrived at Petsmart he pulled so hard that Maddy had to make him sit several times between the car and the door of the store. Meanwhile, Reggie, my 5 pound toy rat terrier pranced his way to the front door while I held his leash. Reggie and I proceeded to the salon in the back of the store. As we went through the door, Reggie realized his fate and decided to make a run for it. I looked down to find the door had closed on his neck as his body was the only part visible from my side of the door. I gave a moment's thought to leaving him there to suffer the consequences of his decision, but thought better of it and freed him. I turned him over to the groomers just as Riley and Maddy made their way to the salon.

Riley willingly jumped onto the groomers table. let them noose him, but when he saw the nail clippers, his cooperative spirit left. He attempted to jump off the table, leaving himself hanging off the side, pathetically looking at me as if I had betrayed him. It required two gromers to put him back on the table. Seeing the look of disgust on their face Maddy and I left the salon. We thought, or at least hoped, this may help him be more cooperative. We went around the corner of an aisle and peeked to see how he was doing. He continued to flail his 90 pound frame against the tiny female groomer forcing her to ask for assistance from 2 additional groomers. When I returned to pick them up, The groomer was in a full blown sweat, she all but threw Riley at me, and then proceeded to charge me $3 more than usual. I paid without protest and left ashamed of Riley's poor upbringing.

I dropped Maddy and the dogs off at home and went to mail a package to Emily. I stopped and Walgreens and picked up some oreos and ritz crackers, Burt's Bees lip gloss and blond hair dye. Apparently all these things are in short supply in Gabarone Botswana. I packed them into a box and headed to the post office. The road to the post office is under construction and I was forced to go about 3 miles out of my way to get the detour. Upon arriving at the post office, they had redirected the traffic flow into the parking lot and I found myself going the wrong way.. The man in the SUV trying to use the road in the correct direction wasn't impressed with my ignorance. I backed out, went into the previous exit and found a parking space. When got in line, my phone rang. I answered it to find it was my brother. I stepped out of line, because it was impossible to talk to him, fill out the customs form, balance the box and not disturb the 10 other patrons in line. I went to the lobby and completed a customs form, and finished packing and taping my box. While I did this, I could see people walking in and getting in line, but didn't take much note. When I finished my phone call, I got back into line. I soon discovered that 2 clerks had been working, but one was clearly leaving as she proceeded to count her cash drawer. I glanced down the counter to the other clerk, just checking his efficiency. I noted that the customer he was serving had several boxes to ship. I began to count them... 44. Ironic, my 44th birthday and the man had 44 boxes. Another clerk came and opened her station, so the line began to move. It was only seconds after she did so that she announced to all of us in line that the debit/credit machine was not working. I pulled out my wallet to see if I had adequate cash. $12, I doubted it. Someone in line asked if they accepted checks. They do. I stayed in line. When I finally got to the counter, I had a notebook with me which included all Emily's identifying information; her rechargeable visa number, her passport number, her address, etc... I gave the clerk the address, she informed me that I had filled out the wrong customs form. I stepped aside to fill out the other form,. When I finally got it right, the cost was $42 to mail it. I wrote a check and got out of there 45 minutes after I had arrived.

I returned home briefly before Maddy needed to attend a meeting at her school. Dinner was served as part of the meeting, so I was on my own for dinner. I thought I should probably eat some of the bounty from my garden, however was craving Mexican food, always a favorite for me! I decided to take myself to dinner at the local Mexican restaurant. "table for one, please". "would you like a margarita?"... well, it was my birthday, so I ordered the most expensive margarita on the menu. a $10 margarita. It came in a tall narrow glass and looked quite delicious. Unfortunately it wasn't. I'm not that fond of alcohol and the drink was tooooo strong. I don't hold my alcohol well, and as I said, the drink was tooooo strong. As I drank my margarita and ate my dinner, it became apparent to me that driving would not be a good decision. I contemplated the possibility of walking home. It's only about 2 miles, the weather was warm, but pleasant. I didn't really have on good shoes for walking, but... At the last minute, Maddy called and said she was almost home from her meeting. I asked her to join me at the restaurant. I asked her if she wanted to go school clothes shopping, and if she could drive. I would just plan to pick up my car after shopping. she laughed and complied.

While shopping a 7 year old child I know from church came to the store. He spotted me as he walked down the center aisle of the department store. He showed me his loose tooth while I stayed at a distance that I hoped would not permit him or his father to note my muted senses and tequila breath. While Maddy tried on clothes, I sat on a chair outside the dressing room, trying to stay awake. After about an hour, I felt clear-headed enough to go back to my car. Maddy dropped me off there and we both drove home.

We watched an hour or so of NCIS and I got up to prepare for bed. As I did so, I asked Maddy to let the dogs out for one final time before bed. I was midway through putting my pajamas on when I heard Maddy yell "Mom! Mom!". I stuck my head out of my bedroom door and yelled, "are you calling me?" "yes, something's wrong with Riley". I threw my pajamas on and ran for the door. As soon as I left my bedroom an overwhelming chemical odor scorched my nostrils. "It smells like something is burning", said Maddy. As the scent dissipated, it became clear that it was the familiar odor of skunk. Riley's eyes were red and burning, as he ran through the house rubbing his face on all carpets and furniture. Thus began the attempt to confine the 90 pound hyperactive weimaraner and keep him from polluting any additional furnishings. We herded him into the bathroom then looked up the best recipe for deskunking a dog. Peroxide, Dawn, baking soda and lemon juice. Maddy wrestled him into the tub and held his head as I attempted to wash his face and eyes. Three baths later I had used about 3/4 of the solution and most of the odor was gone from the dog. I used the 2 bottles of Febreze that I had in the house and a can of Oust. I opened the windows and turned on the attic fan, hoping to air the house out as much as possible.

I then retired to bed and laughed myself to sleep thinking about the glamorous life I live. Little did I know that I would experience a groundhog day moment at 4:30 the next morning, and have the chance to use the rest of the de-skunking solution.

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