It's easier to give than to receive

I was always told as a child that it's better to give than to receive. I guess I bought into that because I've been known to give to the point of resentment - mine, not the receivers. Anyway, today at staff meeting we talked about learning how to become a receiver.  I know my parents taught me it was better to give than to receive, but they failed to recognize the danger inherent in the fact that being a giver inflates my sense of power.

We talked about the text in the Bible when Jesus washes the feet of the disciples. John 13:3-8 "Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going to God, got up from the table, took off his outer robe, and tied a towel around himself. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples feet and to wipe them with the towel that was tied around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, 'You will never wash my feet.' Jesus answered, 'unless I wash you, you have no share with me.'

I have been in services of foot washing and can completely relate to Simon Peter's reaction. I am entirely comfortable washing someone else's feet, regardless of how dirty the feet, how well I know the person, or any other circumstance. But I am extremely uncomfortable when someone kneels before me prepared to serve. The better I know that person, the more uncomfortable I am. while thinking about this today, it became apparent to me that it was because I don't like to admit a need. I don't like to be vulnerable. I don't like to feel dependent on anyone.

I know that I am guilty of being arrogant. I know that I can be quite snobby about many things. I know that I have problems trusting other people and fear being disappointed. I am certain that this all comes from my need to feel superior, my need to think that I know my needs, my need to maintain power. 

Jesus admonishes "Unless I was you, you have no share with me". Until I am willing to humble myself and admit my powerlessness, admit that I need Christ's saving grace in my life I won't be able to fully have a share in his mercy. So my goal du jour is to try and remind myself of many ways that God has blessed my life. I will strive to not just know, but believe that all I have is by the blessed generosity of God, and that without him I am nothing.