Redemption

I'm struggling today to find hope amidst desperation. I want to cry out from the Psalms "Why have you forsaken me?" though I cry out not for myself, but rather for others. I feel gratefully guilty for the ease with which I live my life. Yet I feel the weight in my chest that I recognize as grief. I wish that I was the kind of person who could ignore the suffering around me. I wish that strictly out of selfishness. I have no respect for the people I know who are capable of this, yet I envy their ignorance.

Help me find hope in the fact that a healthy 26 year old gets drunk and jumps out of a moving vehicle. Help me find hope in the addiction of a smart, robust 21 year old man. Help me find hope in a mother and son together in hospice care. Help me find hope in alzheimer's disease slowly eating away the memories. Help me find hope in an 8 year old with incurable cancer and painful side effects of treatment. Help me find hope in the life of a 6 year old with brain injury so devastating he'll never walk nor talk.

I take a  deep breath. I remind myself of previous losses. I remember the death of friends and the beauty of the lessons that the end of their lives offered. I remember visits in the ICU where the stillness of the moments felt sacred. I remember my need to be humbled before I could be redeemed. I guess this is where faith comes into the picture. I wait, I trust, I hope that redemption will arrive