reflections on my father

My dad's birthday is July 24. This will be the second birthday since he died. I suppose if we'd had a normal relationship, this would be a more momentous date, but I saw my dad only 3 times in the last 20 years of his life. His choice, not mine. I expected I'd have a sense of unfinished business when he died. I wonder if there is something wrong with me because I don't. 

He was a good dad while he was around. I felt like he loved me, the best he could. I believed that he was proud of me. I don't know why he looked at me and my 3 siblings and decided to walk away. There was a time when I asked that question, but long ago I realized that it was unanswerable. 

Today I thank God for the Dad that I had. I pray that his soul is at peace in death, in a way that he never seemed to be in life.